(a bunch of crazy people singing karaoke)


The scientific explanation of the Grand Poobah's statement
"Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear"


It has been mathematically proven by Dr. Leo Cutweiler (of the Max Planck Institute for Theoretical Consumption) that a particular solution to the Schroedinger Wave Equation (see below)

describes the molecule C2H5OH (ethanol).

The mathematical derivation of the applicable solution to the wave equation is beyond the scope of this article*, but within this particlar solution, relativistic effects are non-trivial.

When the above wave equation is combined with the Lorentz transformation

One can see that the resulting derivative

clearly shows that the molecular structure of ethanol C2H5OH (in particular, the third hydrogen atom in the chain) behaves according to the Uncertainty Principle originally described by Heisenberg :

The ultimate meaning of this is the following :

Due to the specific molecular structure of ethanol (C2H5OH), the application of both Quantum Mechanics (the Schroedinger equation) and Relativity (the Lorentz transformation) shows that the molecule behaves in a probabilistic manner that cannot be described properly within the limits of classical mechanics. There is a high degree of probability that the ethanol molecule itself will exhibit fluctuations in the surface of spacetime, and cause pockets of the curve to fold in on themselves, thereby cutting them off from the remainder of the universe, and causing them to be "lost" to outside observers.


* for a full mathematical derivation of the equations and solutions described in this article, interested readers may consult Prof. Stephen Hawking (S.W.Hawking@damtp.cam.ac.uk).

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